How to Help a Dog with Separation Anxiety: Causes, Signs, and What Really Helps
Behaviour Is a Symptom — Just Like Vomiting or Diarrhoea
When a dog is vomiting, we know it’s a sign that something’s wrong inside. We don’t blame the dog for it (apart from that time he ate grandma’s chocolate), we treat the underlying cause. Yet when a dog barks, scratches the door, or soils the house after being left alone, it's still common to think they’re being disobedient, spoiled, or just bored.
But many of these behaviours aren’t voluntary. They’re signs of emotional distress. And just like physical illness, they need to be recognised, understood, and treated.
Not All Alone-Time Issues Are the Same
It’s important to understand that not all dogs who struggle when left alone have separation anxiety. Some dogs simply haven't learned how to cope with being alone. Others may have frustration-related behaviours, boredom, or even medical issues like incontinence or cognitive dysfunction in older dogs.
Separation-related problems are a broader category — they include any behaviour that occurs specifically when the dog is left alone or separated from a particular person. These might look like barking, chewing, urinating indoors, or pacing.
Separation anxiety, on the other hand, is a clinical condition. It's a type of panic disorder in which the dog experiences intense fear and distress when alone, similar to a human panic attack. Dogs with true separation anxiety are not just restless — they’re emotionally overwhelmed.
That distinction matters, because the treatment approach can differ significantly depending on what’s driving the behaviour.
A Case from the Pandemic: Milo, the “Lockdown Pup”
I still remember Milo — a gentle, affectionate spaniel adopted by a young couple during the first COVID lockdown. With both owners working from home, he never spent time alone during his formative months.
When restrictions eased and one of them returned to the office, Milo’s world changed overnight. The first time they left him alone for more than 20 minutes, he howled continuously, scratched the front door until his paws bled, and defecated inside the house.
At first, they thought it was a house-training setback. But the behaviour kept escalating — even short departures triggered full-blown panic. He wouldn't eat when alone. He’d start shaking as soon as he saw someone pick up keys.
Milo didn’t need obedience training — he needed clinical care. Like many “pandemic puppies,” he had never been taught the skills to cope with solitude, and he had developed a true anxiety disorder. With time, a tailored desensitisation plan, and the right emotional support, Milo learned how to feel safe again — even when alone.
What Really Helps — And What Often Doesn’t
One of the biggest misconceptions is that dogs will simply "get used to it." In cases of true anxiety, exposure without support can actually make things worse. These dogs aren’t misbehaving — they’re overwhelmed. And punishment, scolding, or ignoring them doesn't reduce anxiety — it increases it.
Treatment needs to focus on emotional safety. Gradual, structured plans — often called desensitisation protocols — are essential. These plans help the dog slowly build confidence with short, tolerable absences that never push them into panic. For some dogs, additional support like calming routines, environmental changes, or even medication may be appropriate.
Every dog is different, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. That’s why it’s important to start with a proper assessment — just like you would for a physical health issue.
You’re Not Alone — And Neither Is Your Dog
Living with a dog who struggles with being alone can be exhausting and emotionally draining. It’s easy to feel guilty or confused, especially when advice from trainers, friends, or the internet doesn’t seem to help. But this is a common, treatable issue — and improvement is possible.
If your dog is showing signs of distress when left alone, trust your instincts. Behaviour is communication — and it’s worth listening to.
I offer behavioural consultations online, so you can get expert help from the comfort of your home. But whether you work with me or someone else, the most important step is recognising that your dog’s behaviour isn’t bad — it’s a sign they need help.
